I can look back at photos of myself from two years ago and realise how disgusting my lifestyle was. It's not much better now, but at least I can have boyfriends I don't weigh twice as much as now. Everyone claims not to notice, but they do. It's all a lie. I'm in love with the lies; the deceit has become a drug. After the passing of a grandfather who had nothing but love for you, and having a mother who might be terminally ill, you start to realise whose opinion is actually worth listening to. I adore my friends, but at the moment they are full of shit. I hate the way I look but I refuse to give in to society's belief that you need to diet if you're larger. Fuck you society.